This weekend, I took a trip to IKEA. I've probably visited the Amsterdam branch of this global chain at least 20 times, so I've learned several important lessons about improving the success of your visit. Pay attention, unless you crave frustration.

First, never go to IKEA on the weekend, unless you plan to get there within minutes of the store opening. Really. If you sleep in, just wait until next week. It's not worth it. I did it correctly this time, and was walking the aisles by 10:15 am, with only several hundred - as opposed to several thousand - other shoppers. It's much more peaceful this way.

Second, don't expect the website to match what is available in the store. And if (when) you find a discrepancy, please refrain from pointing it out to the IKEA employees. They will just stare at you blankly.

Third, as in many large organizations, if you're not happy with the first answer to your question about location/pricing/color availability, just go to the next uniform. Be persistent. I'm sure, with time, you will find the correct answer.

Four, prepare yourself with some deep breathing, a nice bottle of wine, an anger management seminar - whatever works best for you after you've made the journey, dragged your purchase home, fully assembled it, and then realized that there's one crucial screw missing. And IKEA doesn't have a replacement. This step is very important.

Five, even though it's tempting to visit more often, be sure to spread out your trips. A few times a year is more than enough. Going too often is not recommended for one's health (see "four").