I spent Halloween weekend in Dublin and decided on return to A'dam to represent this division.

1. Pint versus Biertje?

This is the crucial distinction. A full frothy pint of something that tastes like a tree, or a lil' glass of lager? Point for Dublin!

2. Smoke

Red eyes and a dead set of clothes you want to let hang outside, or a bartender who echoes the fashion of 1640 haven sharing puffs proudly from his proudly home-grown spliff? This is tough, but I'll go with Dutch 1640. Score!

3. Irish Stew v. Bitterballen

They taste good, you think. You think you're sure you like them, but like sex there is a clandestine ick factor lingering around when you think about it too long. Bitterballen. A sort of flour and water and lil'' meaty flakes all deep-fried and hot. Irish Stew is less mysterious. Potato, carrot, 'greens' and...lamb. DONT'T THINK ABOUT IT TOO HARD! Dublin gets the point!

4. Song

What are we singing? Who are 'we'?

A circle of drunkening wizards muddling Irish standards or...or...continental jazz? DJ Dominatrix or, what is that? A radio beating Lange Frans to death? I see no other alternative, despite my love of drunkening wizards and the good ol' Irish tune, to give the Amsterdam cafe/pub scene a sympathy point. You know. To keep things even.